The love that's gone

I once loved, and was loved
I had you once in my life.
Albeit I dont get to keep you forever
because our forever ended one evening
as the winter wind blew.

But Im grateful you've ever been in my life.
I thank the lord still, for every smile you gave me.
for every bits of the love and laugh
for every bits and pieces.

Because the gap between us just grew larger and larger and never shrink again.
That much i knew.
And that's when the love started to hurt me.

People come and go.
You've gone.
But the memories stay.
And I've got to keep them.
This time, forever.


VaniGo
For the love that was blown away by the winter wind.

The story of ice cream seller and a poor kid

One afternoon, an 8yo boy came to an ice cream shop. Because he was so short, he had to tip on his toe just to see the waitress. He dressed up so ungracefully, so contrary to the nicely fitted ice cream shop.
He asked the waitress, "How much is the sundae cream?".
The waitress said, "five thousand rupiah".
He took some coins from his pocket and started counting while the waitress wait impatiently because behind there was a long line of people with real money who also came to have some ice cream.
Then the boy asked again, "what about the plain cream?". The waitress, looking down at the poor boy, said "It is three thousand five hundred rupiah." and again the boy counted his coins.
Suddenly he made a decision and said, "OK, I'll have the plain cream" and tendered his 3500 rupiah in turn of his ice cream.
After a while, it is time for the waitress to clean the tables. When cleaning the table where the boy sat, she was shocked.
There laid on the table, 2 coins of 500 rupiah, and 5 coins of 100 rupiah (added up to 1500) stacked neatly on the table. The waitress suddenly felt a poignant feeling of sadness and regretfulness.
Actually, that boy could afford a plate of sundae cream. But he sacrificed his own wants for the sake of giving some tip to the waitress and yet she looked down on that boy.

What a beautiful story to teach us how to appreciate all people equally and not the rich only because sometimes the poor are those who know the hardship of life and so, they are more tolerant, more thoughtful to others.
A story to be our wake up call, that we are often times being the waitress. Thinking that we are better than the others, better looking, smarter, richer, know more knowledge while all we do was just making us look like a fool to the world.



Anywayyy...
I was watching a new Tw drama called Xia yi zhan, xinfu (next stop, happiness).
There were so many sweet lines in the drama that I would like to quote. Unfortunately I forgot some of them. So, let's see what I got here..haha;p
Too bad I can't write the Chinese character..=(

Boy when leaving the girl:
"Ni yi ge ren xiao xin yi dian, you shi jiao wo"
(you be careful when I leave you alone, if anything happen, just call me) aawww..;p

Boy said to the girl:
"Wo xiang gen ni sho. Yi hou, ru guo ni yu dao le shen me wei xian, bu yao jiao BoHoLong, ni zi yao jiao RenGuangXi. Wo jiu hui chu xian, jiu ni de."
(I just want to tell you, if you encounter some trouble, don't call BoHoLong, you just have to call RenGuangXi. I will come, and save you) aawwwww..so sweett;p

That's all I can recall.
The main male character was played by Vaness wu and the girl was played by the same girl who played in The Outsider. Her name is An YiXuan, if Im not mistaken.
This drama is pretty much similar to F4 *especially with Vaness Wu as the main male character..;p*

Anyway, time to go and sleep..
Nitezz..;)

WARNING

This post contains some material that might cause disagreement. Readers discretion and sensibility is a MUST. If you are not sensible, close the tab, the window whatsoever.. OR just move to the next post.. kamsia looohhhh;p

So, I was on the train *again* and my imagination went wild..;p
and i was wondering, if you could ask God to make your future just as you like it, what kind of future will you ask??
of course we assume God will grant whatever you wish.
I know this much is impossible. But when imagination gone wild, nothing is impossible..;p

So, if I could as God, I would as God to give me a husband who is a photographer, or a journalist who would together with me *yes!!that's the point*, go around the world, taking photos, writing articles.
Why is that so?? because there is FREEDOMMM!! *yyaaayy..!!*
Today you could be in London, the next week you could be in Paris, the next day you might end up at some different yet exciting country, the next week, God knew where!!

The closer I am to become an official citizen of the world (read: finish this sux uni life) the more it got me into thinking about what I want, what I will be, what I will do.
I could wake up one day wanting to be an auditor or cost accountant with frantic working hour.
Or waking up the next day wanting to be a photographer or a journalist who can go around the world and get paid *yeaahh!!those people ftw*, only to find the next week those dreams has yet again changed into something like being a housewife, staying at home taking care of kids and making a hella lot of money using my finance knowledge
*now i can hear people yelling "booo!!bullshitt!!you hate finance by that much, Vania"*
yeah i do!!;p
but i believe that you believe that this belief is true:

"there is only a fine line between love and hate"

aw aw awww..talking about love..
what do you think those birds are in?
are they in love??
or, are they in lust??
take a closer lookk...!!!
yeahh..so, are they in love? are they in lust??
what they do next is rather inappropriate and private *which is why i didnt take any pictures of them* the white bird just got on top of the black one. After a few seconds of a light bumping, or jumping, *whatsoever!!I know you know what I mean!!hahaha* they just flew away..LOL.
I guess they are booking a bird motel or something..LOL.

That is why children should not be wandering around by themselves on any station throughout Australia!!;p
Because that might be what they see under no adult surveilance..hahahaha.
What a sicko bird..LOL

Anyway, leave some comments as to what will you ask God *as if that is even possible*??

Call me racist call me shallow..but they are smelly and so ooohhh..!!

I was on the train heading back home after undergoing some health check.
which means my blood was sucked by that damn syringe!! *i hate you, syringes*
that was only small amount of blood *of course, otherwise i wont be writing this post now* but nonetheless i felt so queasy, weary like some sign of anemic.. *exaggeration!!;p*
the already bad thing had just became worse when someone board the train, sending signal of some nasty aroma, and the worst of my day had just begun when she sat in front of me..for goodness sake!!~~

She was so smelly, stinky, smell like some old rotten bok choy!!
she is not asian, just in case if you guys are wondering because I put the magic word "racist" on the title.

that was on flinders st station. i tried to just sit there and cover my nose, trying not to vomit, just because i didnt want to hurt her feeling assuming she would go down several station after..
But 3 stations after and she still did not go down, i waited until the train approaching the next station and then i moved seat, pretending i was leaving the train.
Good thing that I moved because apparently she went down at the same station with me which means around 40 minutes from Flinders st station minus three stations after..

And that got me to think. how much extra money do you spend to take a shower every now and then??does that hurt you to have a shower every now and then??how long have you clean your house since the last you did??
As my fave vlogger, Nigahiga, said in his latest "off the pill - stink people" vlog,
you STINK PEOPLE are making this world bulimicc!!!!!
you are hurting yourself and hurting others around you.
you are hurting the WORLD!!
please take a shower, people!!how is taking a shower gonna hurt you??and that wont take much of your time. have a quick shower and we all will be peacefully riding the train........or the bus....and the tram!!

Today, I promised myself to study at home. to rush my assignments *because I have 3 and they are due in just one week time* but I ended up watching MyChoony on youtube and having a fling for ShimmyCocoPuffsss..
Hey, i know he's got a gf but i've gotta say he is hott..hahahaha :D
you are some hot stuff, dude!!but i watched your old videos and i dont like the you in you puber time. i like you now better..hahaha.
however, that's not gonna change the fact that my most faves are nigahiga and kevjumba.........and happyslip *im not sexist;p*

anyway, got to go back to my assignment.
ciaooo..

Happy belated bday to me

I was bashed, cold water *in a cold early-spring night*, with egg, and flour..
after pictures and pictures, i took a shower.

out from shower, another round is waiting for me..*and i was helpless*
and so i was covered in tomato sauce and bbq sauce from head to toe.
yeah, my dear friends did that..

So, that incident plus chocolate cake and another cheesecake marked my 21st bday.
a special day, for most people.
anyway, i hate my 21st bday.
not because i dont want to live *for goodness sake!!*
i am just not ready with the responsibilities, life challenge, burden that comes with the number two-enty-one;p

and so, there are questions that come with those reasons for not enjoying my two-enty-one-st birthday.
the foremost question was from my bff "what sorts of burden and responsibilities??"
lets take an example, given the exact same situation and same mistake, only that the wrong-doer was 15 yo vs 21 yo. how will people react on each of those situation?

Miss Maria Teresa Vania Sumargo has done, although little *NONE!!* but convincing, research and found out that:
15 yo: "that's alright, she is just 15 yo. understandable. this will be a lesson for her so that she wont do the same mistake when she's all grown-up"
*wow wow wowwwwww...*
21 yo: "she's a dumbass, stupid moron, how old is she??for goodness sake!!she's twenty onee!!"
*hell yeahhh..*

lets make another scenario.........
two unemployed, both are girls, age 21 vs 26.
how will people react??
Again, according to Miss Maria Teresa Vania Sumargo uber-unreal research, *muwahaha* she found out that:
21 yo: she's just 21, she just graduated from uni. more over it is economy downturn. just bear with hear another few months.."
26 yo: she's supposed to have a stable income by now. How could she be unemployed in such a condition. it is economy downturn and she cant even support herself??her parents are still supporting her? oh my goodness"
*uh-ohhh..*

see the difference noww??

as someone grows, people will start growing expectation of him/her.
as you grow older and older, you have even less and less chance of screwing your life up. which in some condition is inevitable.

nonetheless it's up to that person as to how he/she will react to this burden and responsibilities.
I chose to face this gracefully, happily, and with God. this way, the burden has just suddenly become much lighter..


So, happy 21st bday vania..
and hapy 23rd bday nekkk..;p
i love you nek...hahaha;p


ps: so i already settled my debt of a post on my birthday;p

When the road of life still lies ahead..

I was just watching videos on youtube when I found interesting Singaporean director Yasmin Ahmad and tried to search her name on internet.
I found she was just recently dead. Leaving a beautiful project behind that is the film of Thaddeus Cheong, a Singaporean triathlon athlete who was dead on 2007 after he finished his pre-SEA games race.

Anyway, I wont be talking about Yasmin Ahmad, nor I will be talking about Thadd although I will relate this person to Thadd a lot.
I dont know Thad. I just found out about this guy only a few hour ago.
But the grieve of his friends, his closest friends who had fun only a few days before he passed away, who went on a fishing trip a few weeks before, I understand their feeling.
I know how it feels to lose someone you love, someone that you adore, idolised.

I was once had a friend like that.
He passed away when I was 12 and he was 18, now that I am 21, he passed away 9 years ago.
But the pain still lingers and just did not go away. Time did not wash the pain and the loss of a friend, a brother.
Even as I write this I am crying for I miss my friend, my brother.
He was an athlete like Thadd was.
My friend liked to do barongsai (the traditional chinese lion dance).
He had not got a chance to do barongsai few years before his death.
But the last time he did that he passed away, still wearing the lion costume. He went away doing the thing he liked, just like Thadd. He was 18 and Thadd was 17.
My friend was a boy a mother could ever ask. He was a student a teacher could ever ask. He was a friend, a brother, people could ever ask.
See how much alikeness they had..
That was why when I read those blog entries made by Thadd's friends I cant hold back anymore.

I miss my friend too much.
He is the reason why I took accounting, he is the reason why I make myself love accounting. He had a dream that I want so much to fulfill. Though it was a 12-yo's dream, I grow up carrying the dream to fulfill his dream. Without his dream I will not have one, for my dream is his.
He is the one who make me the way I am today.

It's been 9 years and the pain and the emptiness just did not go away.
I want to show him the girl I have become.
His death taught me a lot. I used to think why a boy as perfect as him passed away so fast when the road of his life still lies long ahead. I wonder what he would become if he still lived on now. He'll be 30 yo now. Will he be an athlete still or will he be a business man?

If only I could turn back time..............

May my friend and Thadd rest in peace=)
I hope they are now in a place where there are no happiness, no sadness, just peacefulness.

what does it take to be a beautiful girl??

Is it our beautiful, famous-branded, designer, clothes?
Is it our bag that costs us thousands of dollars??
Or is it the make ups we put on?
Or maybe is it our 10cm-heel *hell* shoes??
What about our mini skirts??hot pants??bikinis??do they make us look beautiful??
do we look better in our uber pricey, sexy-looking, garment-lacking tops???

Or is it our truly-natural looking self that is carrying our most pure heart that makes us look beautifull??
which one is more appealing? a girl wearing a oh-so-not-elegant burberry pattern shirt but does not look good on her??or a girl who just wear a plain polo shirt but dress up gracefully???

what do u guys reckon??
what defines a person? what makes a person that person?
does a person look better if they use a latest phone on the market??
will a person look better if they eat uber-pricey, unhealthy, fatty food??
or maybe he/she looks better if he/she eats so-called-healthy0but-in-fact-not caesar salad??
fyi, caesar salad is so fatty...!! dont ear caesar salad for the sake of salad-thing because it will make u -still- fatt..!!

at the end of the day, it is your choice to define a beautiful girl.
you choose to be the person you want yourself to be.
beacuse i, personally, believe that if you are yourself, then you will look gorgeous doesnt matter who you are, how do you look, whether you are having a bad hair day, or just wearing a t-shirt and jeans.
the beauty is inside. not outside.
does not matter how you dress, what phone do you use, is it jimmy choo you are wearing, you look gorgeous if you are gorgeous inside.

life is full of choices.
life is hard per se. dont make it harder by trying to be someone else just to please people because you cannot please everybody.
you are who you wanted to be. you already chose to be who you are.

you are who you are and be who you want to be.

agreed???=)