One Final Call

So,
Few days ago my mom called me and asked me what I wanted to do with my life?
My life??? I f*cking dont know!!
Everything seems so uncertain these days after graduation.
I complained a lot during uni life.
Thought I wont complain any longer after that, but here I am and complaining even worse.
More over, now Im not the one who is complaining.
My mom seems to complain a lot about me.
Saying Im so slow, people alwas get everything first before me.

So, there was one fine day that my mom called me and said one of my friend IC was offered a job at a company but unfortunately, his visa does not allow him to work in Australia.
So, what happened?
He didnt get the job.
You know what my mom suggested me to do?
Come to him and ask him which company that was.
It got me thinking, so my mom wanted me to come to my friend saying, "dude, since you didnt get the job let me have it"
Isnt it rude???!!
What's in her head??!!

Other days she would call me and ask me how's my job hunting and scolded me for not getting a job quickly.
She kept asking me has my housemate who graduate at the same time with me got a job?
I told her the truth that she hasnt.
I was wondering....When I was a kid I used to compare my mom to my friend's and she told me to just swallow it down and if Im not satisfied with her I can be other people's daughter.
So, what happened if I turn the situation around? What if I told her to just be other people's (who's got a job) mom.
Anyway, after telling her the truth that my housemate hasnt got a job herself, I thought she would stop scolding me and just realised that it is now VERY VERY VERY VERY hard to find a job in this f*cking country.
(sorry about those rather inappropriate words. Im getting tired with this job hunting phase of my life that seems so hard)
In fact, she kept scolding me saying why others have got a job before I do.
Just who the hell do you mean with 'others', mom??
I told you so many times that none of my friends has got a job..
Oh my dear God!!!

The last time she called me, she asked me to set a date for myself that if at which I havent got a job I have to go back for good.
I can either move to another country *and she literally said didnt care which country. It might as well be South Africa taming a wild cheetah* or go back to Indonesia.
She asked roughly when this date will be.
I said in a year because that's how I see my friend. Even the smartest in school who graduated on 2008 found a job just late last year.
She screamed in horror saying that one year was simply UNACCEPTABLE giving me the reason that company who would hire me would wonder why I havent got a job within one year.
The reason sounded pretty acceptable to me.
So, I fought no further.

Last Wednesday I had two interviews. In the morning was for the full time, in the evening was for the part time.
I texted her in the morning before I went to the interview.
She texted me back wishing me good luck and said that she would keep praying for me.
That was fine.
Until in the evening, after my 2nd interview, I texted her telling her that I got accepted into the part time job for sure and that it would start in May.
She replied "OK, then find another job to do in April"
She didnt even congratulate me.
FINE!!!
Just f*ck off!!
I wont call you again even if you ask me to so that you wont have the chance to ruin my day, mom!!!
Not until I have good news for you which means I've got myself a full time job.

I thought Ive gone past those puberty days when hormones ruled me and caused me to argue with my mom a lot.
This job hunting phase is starting to get to my nerve.
And until now Im still thinking what if until August (the time that my mom set for me without even asking me) I havent got myself a job and my mom wants me back to Indonesia?
What am I gonna do there???
I hate my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know today is Easter, and I supposed to forgive my mom.
I love God. I love my family.
I just really hate my life and myself!!!