self-doubt

Well,
people made decisions, small ones, big ones.
I have made mine. A very big one, a life-changing decision.
It was not easy to start with. It was a long and painful process before I can say 'OK, I will go back for good'
Believe me, that was not easy.
My life in Melbourne was like living in heaven. I stumbled upon problems, inevitably.
But I cleaned up the mess perfectly, or so I thought.
I messed up my high school life and now I realise I have just few real friends from back then.
All my life is going around my Melbourne friends.
And now that I have to leave here, imagine how this decision hurts me.
But I guess life is a choice. I can choose to life crying over the spilt milk or just go on and just fix every wrongs I have done. I am most likely to choose the later one.

Now that it came closer to the date when I should go home, I, rather unconciously, feel reluctant to do so. I cant make any decisions on simple and small small things.
I cant pick up any date to book ticket. If someone wants to help me PLEASE DO SO!! Any date in 3rd week of July will do...~~
I have no courage to just call the cargo company because it will indicate that I am seriously about to go home. DAMMIT!!!
Why do I become so indecisive?since when?!

Now after struggling with all those things, I start to doubt myself whether I am making the right decision to go home.
I know I haven't done enough effort to say that I can't find a job here.
But I have my parents who want me so bad to go back.
I cant turn down their request because one day, I don't want my brother to come back to Indon.
Multimedia doesn't have that much future in Indon. I don't think that by doing so I am sacrificing my own future, I still have the option to come back here to do my master degree and then find a job here if possible.
Who knows what the future brings?

I just need one more reason for me to stop doubting myself..