When the road of life still lies ahead..

I was just watching videos on youtube when I found interesting Singaporean director Yasmin Ahmad and tried to search her name on internet.
I found she was just recently dead. Leaving a beautiful project behind that is the film of Thaddeus Cheong, a Singaporean triathlon athlete who was dead on 2007 after he finished his pre-SEA games race.

Anyway, I wont be talking about Yasmin Ahmad, nor I will be talking about Thadd although I will relate this person to Thadd a lot.
I dont know Thad. I just found out about this guy only a few hour ago.
But the grieve of his friends, his closest friends who had fun only a few days before he passed away, who went on a fishing trip a few weeks before, I understand their feeling.
I know how it feels to lose someone you love, someone that you adore, idolised.

I was once had a friend like that.
He passed away when I was 12 and he was 18, now that I am 21, he passed away 9 years ago.
But the pain still lingers and just did not go away. Time did not wash the pain and the loss of a friend, a brother.
Even as I write this I am crying for I miss my friend, my brother.
He was an athlete like Thadd was.
My friend liked to do barongsai (the traditional chinese lion dance).
He had not got a chance to do barongsai few years before his death.
But the last time he did that he passed away, still wearing the lion costume. He went away doing the thing he liked, just like Thadd. He was 18 and Thadd was 17.
My friend was a boy a mother could ever ask. He was a student a teacher could ever ask. He was a friend, a brother, people could ever ask.
See how much alikeness they had..
That was why when I read those blog entries made by Thadd's friends I cant hold back anymore.

I miss my friend too much.
He is the reason why I took accounting, he is the reason why I make myself love accounting. He had a dream that I want so much to fulfill. Though it was a 12-yo's dream, I grow up carrying the dream to fulfill his dream. Without his dream I will not have one, for my dream is his.
He is the one who make me the way I am today.

It's been 9 years and the pain and the emptiness just did not go away.
I want to show him the girl I have become.
His death taught me a lot. I used to think why a boy as perfect as him passed away so fast when the road of his life still lies long ahead. I wonder what he would become if he still lived on now. He'll be 30 yo now. Will he be an athlete still or will he be a business man?

If only I could turn back time..............

May my friend and Thadd rest in peace=)
I hope they are now in a place where there are no happiness, no sadness, just peacefulness.

what does it take to be a beautiful girl??

Is it our beautiful, famous-branded, designer, clothes?
Is it our bag that costs us thousands of dollars??
Or is it the make ups we put on?
Or maybe is it our 10cm-heel *hell* shoes??
What about our mini skirts??hot pants??bikinis??do they make us look beautiful??
do we look better in our uber pricey, sexy-looking, garment-lacking tops???

Or is it our truly-natural looking self that is carrying our most pure heart that makes us look beautifull??
which one is more appealing? a girl wearing a oh-so-not-elegant burberry pattern shirt but does not look good on her??or a girl who just wear a plain polo shirt but dress up gracefully???

what do u guys reckon??
what defines a person? what makes a person that person?
does a person look better if they use a latest phone on the market??
will a person look better if they eat uber-pricey, unhealthy, fatty food??
or maybe he/she looks better if he/she eats so-called-healthy0but-in-fact-not caesar salad??
fyi, caesar salad is so fatty...!! dont ear caesar salad for the sake of salad-thing because it will make u -still- fatt..!!

at the end of the day, it is your choice to define a beautiful girl.
you choose to be the person you want yourself to be.
beacuse i, personally, believe that if you are yourself, then you will look gorgeous doesnt matter who you are, how do you look, whether you are having a bad hair day, or just wearing a t-shirt and jeans.
the beauty is inside. not outside.
does not matter how you dress, what phone do you use, is it jimmy choo you are wearing, you look gorgeous if you are gorgeous inside.

life is full of choices.
life is hard per se. dont make it harder by trying to be someone else just to please people because you cannot please everybody.
you are who you wanted to be. you already chose to be who you are.

you are who you are and be who you want to be.

agreed???=)